IF: EMOTION (English Version)
by Fuyu Aki
Summary: He never shows his emotion, especially his tears after the first war. But now, why he cry when she die? Why he can shows his worry to the other girls. What is the meaning of my existence? Even I know that he has a faith with us by giving me this ring. But why? Even after the war end...will he open his heart to me again like the first time?


**Hello, this is the second time and also my second story in English Gundam SEED Fandom. I try to translate one of my IF story again. But now it because a request from AthhaZala. Thank you because you motivate me. Hope all of you enjoy the story. And please bear with my grammatical error and vocab too since English is not my mother language but I am willing to improve it.**

**Thank you!**

**Happy reading!**

* * *

**IF: EMOTION**

_By: Fuyu Aki_

"So that's the end of my report Cagalli," said the amethyst-eyed young man whose face looked tired on the screen.

In front of the screen, a girl sitting with the same face as the young man but they did not seem identical because they had different hair color and eyes, she just nodded as she saw the young man exhausted face. Her face does not describe any emotions. "Alright Kira, but how are you doing now? It has been three days since that incident and as far as I know all of you must immediately go to the L1 and L5 areas to carry out the mission of stopping the Destiny Plan."

The young man on the screen whose named Kira bit his lower lip, "I didn't want to tell you about the unpleasant news but we were fine Cagalli, most of us maybe. Lacus was fine even though she had cried for one day when that girl died. But I more worry about 'his condition', Cags. His mental condition to be exact. "

This time it was Cagalli's turn to bite her lower lip. "What about him?" she asked.

"His emotion seems flat and I don't know what to say and explain. We had a chance to talk about his regret over the girl's death but after that I..I don't know ...," Kira answered. "He ... cried Cags," he added.

Cagalli was quite surprised. She straightened up. "He ... was crying?" she asked again to make sure she didn't mishear something. 'He' shed tears.

"Yes," answered Kira firmly.

"..." Cagalli silently did not respond to Kira's answer.

"Cagalli are you still there?" Kira asked.

Cagalli woke up from her reverie, "Ah yeah Kira sorry I remember that I have a meeting with Kisaka and the others. Maybe it would be better if we ended this intercom. Send my regards to the others and I beg you all to stay alive and return here ... to ORB. "

Now it was Kira's turn to shut up as he closed his eyes as if he were thinking about something. Then his eyelid opened showing a steady amethyst colored iris. "I'll tell them Cagalli. Thank you for your time," Kira turned off the intercom channel.

Cagalli ended her intercom call with Kira. She received all the reports from Kira about what happened in Copernicus. "Haah ..." sighed, Cagalli reached and opened again the file Kira had just sent about the incident in Copernicus a few days ago, the amber colored eyeball stared straight at the name that stated in the report, **Meer Campbell**.

A few days ago she got a report from Kira that Lacus had received a threat letter from that girl and they were recklessly to come and approach the girl, they wanted to save her. But unexpected the girl died shielded Lacus from being shot by Coordinators. Can she be exclaimed die honorably? They couldn't answer it, because they are in an unexpected situation. Cagalli can understand Lacus's intention of meeting the fake Lacus, or perhaps more precisely the girl named Meer. The girl was manipulated and Cagalli was sure that Lacus aimed to help, resuscitate, and save the girl from her world that full of lies. Lacus did it not to clear the original name of Lacus Clyne but to cleanse and save the girl's soul from the path she had chosen.

Too many things happened at once so Cagalli couldn't ask Kira another question. Too many things happened, too many energy is drained, too many emotion came out, and too many tears flowed. Tears? Suddenly Cagalli's mind returned to her conversation with Kira. 'He cried'. Cagalli's mind turned to someone. Cagalli then leaned forward and stretched herself on the back of the chair, relaxing all of her tense shoulder muscles and backs. She straightened her face to the ceiling of her office and then closed her eyes. The last sentence she delivered to Kira actually was a special message, a special message or indirect message for someone who Cagalli was worried he would do something reckless. 'I hope he doesn't blame himself,' she thought.

* * *

Archangel returned to ORB Union out of the schedule. After the Second Alliance war - the PLANTs ended, the PLANTs immediately offered a peace discussion which was requested by Lacus Clyne. Cagalli who received the sudden information about Archangel arrival postponed several internal meetings and went headed to the port of the ORB National Defense Force headquarters to welcome the Archangel crews immediately. Did not reply the soldiers who were about to greet and salute to her, Cagalli immediately jogged towards the Archangel when she saw the brown-haired young man coming out together with a dark brown haired woman who was accompanied with a tall and well-built blonde man.

"KIRA!" she shouted and immediately hugged the brown-eyed young man.

Kira felt a sensation of Déjà vu, he had experienced something similar twice before and what Cagalli did now was the third. "Ca ... Cagalli?" he said surprised while trying to maintain his body balance. The last time Cagalli hugged him suddenly like this, he fell or to be exact, they fell.

Everyone was surprised but the Archangel crews only smiled at the twins' behavior in front of them remembering the relationship that Kira and Cagalli had. "You damn fool, don't make me worry! Cagalli shouted while pinching Kira's chest hard enough.

Kira just smiled and gently stroked Cagalli's blond hair. "I'm home, Cagalli," Kira said softly. Cagalli raised her head and showed her red blushing face and eyes that began to shed tears. Kira snorted, "You look weird."

"Welcome home, Kira ...," said Cagalli who tried to control her voice so that the tears did not break.

Kira then smiled, "It looks like there are a lot of things we need to discuss Cagalli, but it seems that rather than you welcoming and hugging me, maybe you should welcome someone who finally returns without slightest injury not like the past," Kira moved his head pointing someone behind him.

Cagalli peeked at someone behind Kira's back. Behind Kira, not far from where she and Kira hugged each other stood up a young man with a dark blue night hair with his emerald colored eyes that somehow looked quite sad. The military uniform he wore covered up all the fatigue and weakness that can be seen from his eyes and flat face.

Cagalli was quite surprised, not expecting him to return. Cagalli noticed that some people including several Eternal crews and Minerva settled in PLANTs and Cagalli thought he included in those people. The amber colored eyeballs perfectly rounded to show her surprise whether because she was sad or happy to see him. Releasing his arms from Kira, Cagalli approached the midnight blue haired young man. "Athrun ..." she said. She, Cagalli mentioned the name of the young man but she did not know what emotion was conveyed when she said his name. The young man who had always been in his mind and dreams, the young man he always prayed for and she hoped that he would be fine, be safe, stay alive, and return to her side.

Athrun, without thinking, immediately stepped on his feet. Again, he hugged the little lion United Emirates of ORB. Pull the representative into his arms and breathe in the scent of the blonde girl's hair. Hug her tightly to restore his sanity. Realizing that he is here, he lives, he returns, he is at his side. "I'm home, Cagalli ..." he said softly.

Cagalli buried her head on Athrun's shoulder and unwittingly made the young man's uniform wet. But Cagalli returned her arms, she put her hands around Athrun's back. Cagalli cried Athrun knows that but both Athrun and Cagalli think why Athrun did not cry at all. _'Why he is not crying at all __now?'_

* * *

It had been around six months since the war ended. All people busy, both PLANTs and the United Emirates of ORB were busy preparing for the peace agreement. Cagalli Yula Athha, as a representative of the United Emirates of ORB – or ORB Union in short - with one of the Supreme Council PLANTs representatives. The peace agreement was prepared as soon as possible to anticipate if there are parties who want to cause a war again. Affairs with the Earth Alliance or OMNI Enforcer will be taken care of afterward due to the many things that must be cleaned up. Terrorists, mobsters, biological weapons development labs, Blue Cosmos, LOGOS, those things were not easy to solve immediately.

Cagalli understood that very well, especially in the previous war ORB Union made a mistake - or to be precise 'she' - made cooperation by joining the Atlantic Federation, because she did not want to cause ORB Union to be consumed by the flames again. An idealist whom she held firm, idealistic taught by her late father, Uzumi Nara Athha which ORB must be held firmly and tightly to what has become their vision and mission must be broken by her. Emirs's words and Shinn's anger made Cagalli upset.

If she was in the same position with Uzumi as she used to be, she knew very well that her father made a difficult decision and it was Muruta Azrael's fault who did not heed the ORB's request for discussion - the most diplomatic step at the time - so they could not buy time for evacuating the citizens, but it was also because the ORB Union did not want to give the Blue Cosmos all military assets that belonging to ORB Union. Although the area for war is far from the civilian's area, a chaotic war like before was totally unavoidable. But, what the emirs said was true, they couldn't afford to repeat the same mistakes if they didn't want to make people feeling like Shinn. Seeing two different sides of the knife, it made Cagalli unable to think clearly so she took the wrong step, she knew it and she was aware of it.

Now Cagalli was in her office, in front of her was draft papers and revisions to the peace agreement that they will sign and approve on her table. "Haaah ..." Cagalli sighed. Even though she knew this for the sake of her country, for the sake of her people, for the sake of the world but she also an ordinary human who needed rest. But, what else she can do? She left the country for a long period of times after she kidnapped by Kira from her wedding. The wedding was the only way to save ORB Union from the flames, that was what she believed at that time.

She still very green at that time. That is understandable, she doesn't have many supporters. Kisaka was out, Kira who tried to be alone for a while, Athrun went to visit the PLANTs and met up with the chairman, even the Sahaku family cannot help much. In the midst of the chaos many positive and negative things arose and that made Cagalli opened and maybe closed her eyes. Not exact her eyes, but her heart eyes. She knows about who she can believe or not, who believes her who is not, she knows the main source of war problems just like Uzumi said a few years ago, 'learn what is the main source that made the war occurred' besides politics, it turns out racist and human's greed. And maybe because of the past war, the relationship between her with some people has changed, one of them is Athrun Zala.

Athrun Zala, the name of the young man who always made Cagalli's thoughts and feelings comfortable every time she mentioned his name or thought of the young man name. But, actually, since when she started to see Athrun as Athrun? Has it been since their first meeting? Because Cagalli felt there was something strange about their relationship, unlike Kira and Lacus. It was true they, especially Cagalli, did not have a break after the war in 70-71 CE took place, she went down to reconstruct his country immediately and Athrun at that time decided to accompany Cagalli as Alex Dino because the name Zala was enough to attract public attention at that time.

Athrun is a true gentleman and nobleman, Cagalli knew that very well. Then what do the kiss and hug mean, plus the ring given by the young man? Will a friend do something like that? Do they a 'couple' who have a 'complicated' way but actually they 'understand appreciate and trust each other'? So there is no need for sweet words or beloved calls to prove their relationship. Athrun explained that he was too rushed when he gave the ring. He could understand that Cagalli didn't mean to betray him. Cagalli did it for the ORB Union and at that time Athrun could imagine the pressure she faced. But Athrun didn't want Cagalli to be careless, he wanted Cagalli to be safe. Therefore Athrun gives the ring. The ring that ties Cagalli with her feelings to Athrun, the ring that indicates that Cagalli doesn't need to worry but maybe more precisely Athrun isn't worried because Cagalli promised that she wouldn't be careless. But Athrun was wrong, for Cagalli ORB Union is everything.

Cagalli herself understood clearly what Athrun was upset about when they met at Crete, but Cagalli did not understand why Athrun reacted like that. 'There are things that are unacceptable even though they understand it' those sentence means a lot to Cagalli. What did Athrun mean? Her decision to marry Yuuna Roma Seiran, or made a decision by join forces with the Atlantic Federation? But what Cagalli and Kira understood at the time Athrun was upset because he could do nothing at ORB Union and Athrun actually cared about them by asking them to return to ORB Union.

Both Athrun and Cagalli finally apologized but they did not explain their relationship again. What they really hope for. A peaceful world? That's their hope. Not only them, but the hopes of people throughout the world are the same. But if it is permissible to be selfish, what kind of relationship do they want to achieve as men and women. Cagalli could understand it because they both had responsibilities at that time. However, Cagalli felt frustrated because she could not understand the young man's feelings even though she is a 'woman who was close' with Athrun besides Lacus.

Cagalli's mind returned to his problem with Athrun, more precisely about the status of their relationship. Cagalli heard, Mwu La Flaga - formerly Neo Roanoke - tried to get Athrun and Shinn to meet and make up but ended up making a fuss. In the middle of the commotion, Shinn asks about Athrun's relationship with Cagalli and Athrun can't answer it correctly. Even when Arthur Trine asked, Athrun avoided it. Is Athrun afraid to burden Cagalli because of his status? To be exact, why Athrun always avoided when people asked about his personal relationships with female friends. Cagalli knew from Kira that Athrun was the type who was not easy to get along with people and included people who were quiet and rather awkward at the beginning. But, whether it must be like that to the relationship with the opposite sex that ends he always avoids the topic, either by diverting or not answering at all. Cagalli didn't understand. Back to her mind again too much happened at once. Too many things happened, too many energy is drained, too many emotion came out, and too many tears flowed. Too much so that she was confused about what and how to talk with Athrun. But these things cannot be untreated for a long time. Cagalli needs to meet and talked with Athrun as soon as possible.

* * *

Athrun had just returned from the ORB military headquarters and he did not choose to live in Athha Mansion or in a military service house or in a dormitory. He chose an apartment specifically for the ORB Union government staff. Luckily Cagalli, Kira, and other friends did not ask about the reason behind his decision. Work as a soldier resulted in enough income, he was well paid. A good career, good income, good work, and duties, so he didn't feel worried about his life. After entering his apartment he immediately headed to the bathroom to clean up and relieved his fatigue.

After that, he turned on the television and sat on the couch. Wrapped in moss green night-robe and a yellow towel that covers his wet navy blue hair. While drying his wet hair, his eyes are focused on the channel that is being aired, which is none but special news about the preparation of the peace agreement. He did not participate in drafting the peace agreement but he sure Cagalli would be able to fulfill what everyone expected. Cagalli Yula Athha. She and Lacus Clyne are the new hope of the world.

Cagalli Yula Athha, the girl's name still has special meaning for him. The girl appeared on the evening news. Her appearance was not far from before, her face still looked tired, her body was still thin but not as thin as before but what was different now was she looked confident and her amber eyes showed it too. It seems that she was able to take control in the parliament well and even managed to bring Rondo Mina Sahaku, one of the great noble families in the United Emirates of ORB besides Athha, Seiran, and Lindsay to the parliamentary table in several meetings. But still, during the military meeting with ORB Union MPs, his attention focused on the little lion. How much he missed moments outside of work with the little lion.

Athrun already served as Commander at ORB Military Defense Force for one year and six months and he felt his work was quite time-consuming. It didn't mean that he didn't like it, he was quite happy because he could distract his mind from the things he wanted to avoid. 'The things he avoided?' It seems that there are too many things that he avoided in his life, even things that are trivial. After the war ended, there were many things that he had to separate, whether personal or not. For now, he wanted to focus on helping the ORB Union reconstruction. As a result of the war, a lot of damage occurred. Although not fatal damage, the damage was unfortunately not centered on an area such as the war in 70-71 CE but spread to the civilian area due to the ignorance of the officials, especially Seiran, who did not prioritize the civilians evacuation and did not order military forces to direct the war to certain areas far from the civil areas. Until now the rebuilding process was going well.

Speaking of personal matters Athrun remembered exactly a month after the war was over suddenly Mwu La Flaga - whose memory had returned - took him to a bar in one corner of the city of ORB. He didn't expect that Mwu would invite Shinn too, he had been annoyed because Shinn was participating but Mwu explained that many people including Cagalli, Kira, and Murrue were worried about the relationship between Athrun and Shinn so they asked them to make up. He and Shinn making up? Since when did he and Shinn have a big fight? Since the first time they met? Because as far as Athrun remembers, the short-tempered boy main anger was ORB, but why did he now become the one who Shinn got angry at? Athrun couldn't understand the boy, but the reason why Athrun paid attention to Shinn because he felt he saw a little of himself in the past from Shinn. Power. He used to need strength so much that he ended up not seeing clearly what was happening and what caused the war to continue. But unfortunately the meeting did not go smoothly, they ended up having another big fight with very trivial reasons. Shinn said he managed to win against Kira once while Athrun wasn't at all. Athrun might not tell about the life duel of Kira's death but it seems that it wasn't important. But, the words that were said by the Asuka boy cornered him and might step on his pride. Like mocking him who received formal military education but could be defeated easily by civilians without military education. It's ridiculous and embarrassing when you think about it. Because of the childish things two of them were fighting again. But, Shinn Asuka's side who always considered his decision was correct needed to be clarified or corrected because sometimes his consideration in making decisions was not right.

But after that, Shinn asked Athrun to accompany him to pick up Lunamaria who was having a Girl's Night Out agenda or maybe Pajama's Party with Meyrin and Lacus Clyne. Saw and heard Kira's explanation of the necessity to wear animal pajama costumes and the girls who are talking about him and Shinn when both of them arrived. Both of them were confused and reluctant to join. Who wants to take part in such a gossipy event plus wearing a penguin costume, after all? Women are scary.

Athrun leaned himself on his sofa and could only smile sadly remembered the event. Such a trivial problem but it can be a heavy burden for the mind. That's why he wanted to avoid a little contact with several people. Avoid? Maybe. But according to him, the problem is too trivial so that it can be resolved later or even no need to be exaggerated because it will sink or disappear by itself.

He closed his eyes until the sound of the doorbell rang. Surprised enough to hear the bell rang, his eyebrows intertwined. Athrun looked at the clock on the television which shows eight o'clock at night. He was not waiting for someone to come to his apartment or had an appointment in the night with someone, so he was a little confused with the uninvited visitor. Without any intention of changing his clothes, Athrun immediately pressed the button to receive the image from outside his apartment door. His emerald eyes perfectly rounded when he saw a figure standing at the door through the screen. Someone with blond hair matched perfectly with a brown hat to cover his blonde hair and clothes matching his hat so that her or his appearance is not striking but, Athrun Zala's eyes cannot be fooled, he knows exactly who his guests are even from his or her body language and silhouette he already knows it very well.

Athrun immediately opened the door and without thinking, pulled the person standing in front of the door and after closing the door cornered the person, cornered him or her on one wall and locked it with his hands. "Cagalli, does Kisaka know that you intend to come to my place tonight?" he asked directly. His tone was angry, annoyed, happy, confused, whether the feeling was raging in Athrun.

The person who was none other than Cagalli immediately took off her hat. Tired face was seen but didn't eliminate her natural beauty, one of the points favored by Athrun. "I ... I want to meet you Athrun ..." she said softly but half scared because she realized that what she was doing was too risky and maybe dangerous.

"What if ... you ...," Athrun was confused. He didn't want to yell or scold Cagalli because he knew there must be a reason why she acted like this. Reckless? He had not interrogated Cagalli completely whether he left without supervision without permission or with permission. But he noted to himself that he must be prepared when there was a call from the military headquarters about the chef representative disappearance. But, maybe now it's better for him to let her sit in the living room first so they can chat clearly and casually and calm situation. "Come in and sit down first ...," Athrun asked.

Cagalli obeyed and followed him to his living room. She sat on the couch and looked straight at the television channel that was being aired, news about the construction of the ORB Union and PLANTs while Athrun prepared something at the kitchen's pantry. "How are the conditions in parliament?" Athrun's voice distracted him. Athrun came out of the pantry carrying two mugs with a warm drink and then put them in the coffee table in front of the sofa but he gave one of the mugs to Cagalli. "Warm chocolate with a little sugar, your favorite," he said. Cagalli smiled because Athrun still remembers the drink she likes, she then grabbed the mug given by Athrun and sip the drink. Athrun sat next to Cagalli grabbing his mug which containing black coffee and sipping it. He didn't know since when he started to like to consume bitter drinks. Yzak and Andrew plus Mwu and Murrue might influence him with this tasteless bitter drink.

"The conditions in parliament are fine, everything is going well and the rest is like what you see on the news," Cagalli answered, looking at the chocolate drink in her hands. She then looked at Athrun who was next to her with a worried look. "How about you? How are you?" he asked.

Athrun was silent. Seeing her unusual expression then put his mug and tried to show his best smile -his best fake smile-. "Good, like the usual," he answered.

Seeing his somewhat his trademark fake smile technique Cagalli knew Athrun was lying. This young man in front of him is indeed smart to keep all of his own problems. Kept it until it finally piled up which maybe burdens his mind and feelings until to the point where he will explode. Either through anger or crying. Cagalli knew that very well. "So, what is the reason you come and pay me a visit here Cagalli? I hope you come here alone easily because you get permission to leave without using protocol," Athrun asked.

Athrun saw Cagalli's shoulders tighten and she bit her lips. Athrun knows that she was hiding something or thinking something heavy, but she was too reluctant or hesitate to convey it. Athrun was very familiar with Cagalli's body language, he knows her very well. Athrun then grabbed one of Cagalli's hands, picked up the mug that had been held by the girl and put it on the table, then he held Cagalli's hand tightly but not harsh. "What's wrong? What are you worried about? You know that I'm always ready to be a good listener to hear your worry and complaints," he said firmly.

Cagalli sneered while biting her lower lip. She hated, she hated when Athrun said that. Athrun was always like that. Close everything about himself alone. Even though there is Cagalli, there is Kira, there is Lacus who is ready to hear all his complaints willingly without any permission. When Athrun was making a drink, Cagalli looked around Athrun's apartment. His apartment was neat with not too much furnishings, really describes Athrun's personality which is quiet, reserved, and often a benevolent individual, a discipline and neat person but his heart was empty. This apartment at a glance feels cold there was no warmth in it.

"Cagalli?" Athrun became confused with Cagalli who said nothing and kept quiet about the reason why she coming to his apartment.

Cagalli immediately slammed Athrun's body slowly and lowered his head to the Athrun's boarded chest. Cagalli's hands held tightly to the night-robe worn by Athrun. And Athrun who was surprised by Cagalli's sudden attack, fortunately, did not lose his balance and remained in his position. "Ca ... Cagalli ...?"

Cagalli took a breath, trying to control her feelings. The scent of mint and sandalwood which was Athrun's typical scent and clothing somehow makes him feel comfortable. "You're not fair Athrun Zala," Cagalli said firmly

"Eh?" Athrun was confused.

"Why do you always shut yourself up? Why don't you ever let someone else open the door of your heart? You keep it by yourself too often. Even Kira who is your best friend doesn't necessarily know well about your feelings," Cagalli said and her voice cracked and broke. "I see you Ath. Every time I always pay attention to all of you, especially you. Behind your courage, you assert, and your standing straight tall body I know you harbor a lot of things. But I don't want to make you panic and worry so I always keep silent. I know you're not the type who likes to be reprimanded first if there is a problem, that's why silently I am waiting for you to tell me but it never happened. In the war, you kept your feelings too much until finally, you spilled your resentment at me and Kira, and you finally cried especially when 'she' died protecting Lacus, "he added.

Cagalli's body trembled, after a series of sentences she conveyed to Athrun. And then Athrun can hear a small sob. Cagalli cried. "Cagalli ..." Athrun held one of Cagalli's shoulders.

"Sorry, Ath, but ... but why have you never show your emotions to me? What am I really for you? What is the meaning of our relationship so far !?" Cagalli said as she sobbed and half raised her voice. "I feel there's no meaning in being by your side! When I heard you were more worried about Meyrin and you cried because of Meer's death ... I ... -"

Athrun did not let Cagalli continue the sentence. He immediately kissed Cagalli's lips intending to silence and calm the girl. He did it because he himself was confused about what and how to answer her questions. Both of them tightened each other's hugs. "I'm confused ..." said Athrun when they ended their kiss. He saw Cagalli's face still covered with tears. Athrun wiped Cagalli's tears. "Every time I see you, I feel all of my worries disappear," he added.

"But every time I see you, you seem not calm at all. Like there are still things that haunt your mind!" Cagalli scolded. Cagalli felt the reason Athrun conveyed was wrong and made no sense at all.

Athrun embraced the little lion again, "Sshhh ... never mind you don't need to worry, you must be tired because of all the meetings and activities you have done so far. So, take a rest," with gentle words Athrun whispered in Cagalli's ear and one of his hands stroked soft blonde hair Cagalli. "Go to sleep ... you need it ... I'll contact Kisaka if you spend the night at my place because I can't let you go home in this condition," he added and kissed Cagalli's forehead. Feeling comfortable in Athrun's arms slowly Cagalli closed his eyes.

* * *

Cagalli opened her eyes slowly, 'dark' was the first thing appeared in her mind. She felt his body was in a comfortable and soft place but had the aroma of Athrun's body. 'Athrun?' Cagalli immediately woke up and got up. She was in Athrun's bed. She then looked around, the digital clock on Athrun's desk showed two o'clock in the morning. Cagalli panicked, how could she sleep at a young man's residence easily. This was not the first time but, it still looks embarrassing. She didn't wear her brown trench coat, she was still complete wearing her shirt and pants. It seemed that Athrun removed it when she fell asleep. Speaking of Athrun, Cagalli did not see Athrun in his dark bedroom but from the doorway, Cagalli could still see the dim light coming from the living room and that meant Athrun had not slept. Cagalli got up from the bed with a blanket draped over her waist to block the cold night and opened Athrun's bedroom door slightly without a sound. Cagalli peeked a bit to look for Athrun's figure but all she heard was a small sobbing sound. "Uuukh ... damn ..., Meer ...," Cagalli heard Athrun's voice which sounded sad and she decided to approach the young man.

* * *

Athrun laid Cagalli on his bed, covered her body with his navy blue flannel blanket so she did not feel cold. Finally, the girl slept in his arms and he decided to carry Cagalli to his room, maybe she tired of the many jobs and also tired from crying. Although they were both comfortable with each other's hugs, it was still inappropriate if they slept on the couch plus in an uncomfortable position. It can be very dangerous. Athrun looked back at Cagalli's sleeping figure before closing the door of his room. Athrun who always accompanied the girl while sleeping when she asked or when she stressed out and exhausted g=from her job- without doing things that were inappropriate of course - decided not to accompany her now because of the incident. He did not want Cagalli's emotional instability and also his emotions led to an event that was detrimental to both. He is a man who holds on to his words. He is a man who will touch his woman after being tied to a marriage bond.

He then contacted Kisaka and for some reason, the conversation became very long because Myrna was very worried and ended up giving a piece of long advice for Athrun. Kisaka personally trusted the little lion with Athrun. Kisaka knew that the young man would not hurt Cagalli because he knew the consequences he would get.

After a long communication with Kisaka - and also Myrna Athrun sighed and put his smartphone in the coffee table. Himself then laid his body back on the sofa. Gently massage the nose and temples while trying to penetrate the incident that just happened about an hour ago. He didn't expect Cagalli to feel inferior only because Athrun rarely conveyed his feelings to her. He knew that he was wrong because the last time he spilled his emotions clearly to Cagalli was when he met Cagalli and Kira in Crete and that was his anger toward her. He shed his frustration at Cagalli and he knew it was a big mistake. He still cared about Cagalli. There is only Cagalli in her heart but Lacus, Meyrin, and Meer were important too because if it wasn't because of them Athrun wouldn't be on Cagalli's side now.

Athrun then decided to turn on his laptop and open some files that he had just received via e-mail. Some time ago he got information from Kira that Lacus finally opened her voice about her existence so far and also about Meer Campbell. Kira sent a short speech video and the semi-formal discussion to Athrun because Athrun had no time to watch it. At first, Kira felt that it was a good idea if Athrun did not watch it but, Athrun insisted. He can't possibly miss the latest info in PLANTs, plus the peace they have just achieved, it could be someone wants to destroy it again. He wanted to know what the PLANTs people response was and also how was Lacus condition because both Athrun and Kira were in ORB Union, not in PLANTs. Kira is taking care of the transfer to PLANTs or more precisely ZAFT to catch up with Lacus.

Using a low volume but still can be heard clearly in his ear Athrun watched Lacus's speech. He did not want to wake Cagalli. In his brief speech and discussion, Lacus explained the whole of Gilbert Dullindal's plan and also about her condition at that time. Lacus explained that she did not intend to disappear without a trace. Until finally she explained about the figure of Meer who somehow had been the subject of discussion even when the war was over.

Athrun had expected it, there would certainly many people who questioned the fake Lacus. The Fake Lacus, the public called it that way and they did not know the facts behind it. A seventeen or eighteen years old young girl who only has a small dream to sing and become a singer named Meer Campbell, nobody knows about Meer. The latest info that Athrun and Lacus heard Gilbert Dullindal destroyed data about the girl. There was no girl named Meer Campbell in the start. No one knew a girl named Meer Campbell. The girl's original existence was completely nowhere and not recorded anywhere.

Athrun felt his chest tight, he was upset, he was angry, he was disappointed, he was sorry, if only ... if only he managed to resuscitate and save Meer. No, long before that ... if only he knew that Gilbert Dullindal's scenario was very strange this would not happen. But It's no use crying over spilled milk, the girl is here – she is truly dead – because of his negligence. _Negligence? Is that true ..._ Athrun thought. He clenched his hands while supporting his face with both of his hands but he began to be unable to control his emotions. He began to shed tears. Yes, he admitted that if he was negligent, he could not protect the people around him. Meer did not know anything, she was just an innocent and innocent girl who wanted her existence to be recognized and tried to be useful for the people around her. She was a political game victim. Yeah, it's not a war that killed Meer, but politics killed Meer. "Uuukh ... .damn ..., Meer ..." Athrun said in his sobs.

The display on his laptop screen changed with Lacus who sang a song titled EMOTION but with a softer version. Lacus's sadness and Lacus's desire to keep Meer alive in each chant of his melody was shown clearly, even though it was only in Lacus's heart or in Athrun's. Athrun felt his tears had piled up but he tried to control it until finally there were two hands that held him tightly. "Cry, if that makes your feeling calmer and better...," said Cagalli briefly.

Athrun raised his face. The emerald eyes blocked by tears saw Cagalli's calm smile and calm eyes. Athrun clinched his teeth and lowered his head again. He could not bear the overcome sadness, he cried even louder, his sobs were quite hard compared to before. "Uuukh ... huaaa... hic ..." he sobbed. Cagalli immediately pulled Athrun's body softly into her lap and hugged him. Athrun cried in Cagalli's lap like a boy who cried because losing a fight with his friend.

* * *

Nearly half an hour Cagalli let Athrun cry until he finally stopped and the sobs were not heard. Cagalli did not stop stroking Athrun's back gently, trying to calm the young man while her gaze did not leave the screen of Athrun's laptop whose still playing the song sung by Lacus. "Athrun," Cagalli called his name softly.

Athrun lifted his face and body, from his face he was really in a chaotic condition. His eyes and nose were red from crying too much and tears trace. Cagalli stroked Athrun's cheek gently, "Come on, let's go to your room you should lie down ...," Cagalli said. Athrun did not fight or protest and he obeyed. Cagalli turned off Athrun's laptop immediately and propped him up to his room.

After helping Athrun released the night-robe and get up into bed and make the young man comfortable on the bed, Cagalli went to the pantry immediately to make warm tea. She then approached Athrun and gave the mug of warm tea. "Want to turn on the lights?" Cagalli asked, which was only replied by a shaken head from Athrun means no while sipping a warm drink made by Cagalli. Only the moonlight penetrated the curtain that illuminated his room.

"Thank you," Athrun said, handing over the mug containing the tea, in half now. Cagalli picked it up and put it on a short cupboard next to Athrun's bed. Athrun immediately laid himself on the pillow and released the two top buttons of the shirt he was wearing, with the intention to allow himself to breathe better. He forgot that Cagalli was there and it seemed he could not think clearly after the incident just now.

Cagalli felt her chest hurt because she knew the reason why the young man was crying. Cagalli also knew how big the role and impact of Meer for Athrun especially after hearing the story directly from Kira and Meyrin. Cagalli gently stroked Athrun's hair from his forehead, "Try to sleep ... I will be in the living room," said Cagalli who rose from her seat at the side of the bed but her wrist was immediately held by Athrun. "Athrun?"

"Please stay here ... don't leave me ...," Athrun pleaded.

Cagalli had a hesitation at first but finally followed Athrun's wishes. She climbed onto Athrun's bed and leaned next to Athrun, Athrun embraced Cagalli while Cagalli leaned her head on Athrun's shoulder. When Cagalli leaned on his hump, she could see a silver chain of necklaces on Athrun's neck and could see a hint of red from the Haumea Stone behind his white shirt. Cagalli smiled a little and felt happy to see that he still wore it but, now was not the right time to discuss the necklace. He, Athrun needs someone's presence by his side right now and who can offer it was Cagalli. "You ... want to tell me everything? About why you crying" Cagalli asked softly and carefully, worried that Athrun was still feeling uncomfortable, "Ath ...?"

"You're right, I cried when Meer died. Somehow, the emotions that I felt were different with the emotion that I felt when I saw your face and Kira who turned out to be alive. Maybe in the war yesterday only when she died I cried until 'satisfied'," said Athrun.

"There is a great regret inside me. I failed to protect her ... she is a good girl. She only follows what is right according to her heart and because of her innocence and naïve side, she is consumed and darkened by Gilbert Dullindal's sweet words. it was also still confused about what had happened on earth and in PLANTs made the Chairman used the girl to make Lacus Clyne as a 'balancing factor' in the middle of the war. I should have known that the plan was crazy. I ... I did not know what actually happened ... I was too focused on myself ... "explained Athrun and Cagalli understanding Athrun's intentions. "I let everything go according to Chairman's, even optimistic that Lacus and Kira will definitely come back and after that everything will be fine but I'm wrong ..."

" When I saw her, It looks like seeing myself, Cags. When I became Alex Dino. What I needed at that time was just like her, an identity. I was trying to leave my true identity and try to play a role as a civilian assigned as TOP Agent, a special protector. But it turns out it only hurts me. I feel I can't do anything while the one in front of me is struggling desperately to maintain the peace we have been struggling with before. What I see from Meer is the same, a doll whose life was made and easily manipulated byGilber Dullindal's sweet words, but the opposite of Meer she was nobody at first ... she was just an innocent girl, an ordinary girl, an ordinary civilian who dreamed of debuting as a singer but she was asked to play Lacus Clyne instead and she tried to do that role well. It's different from me... "Athrun felt his breath choked, he felt his chest tight remembering the incident when he tried to escape from ZAFT for the second time. He tried to bring Meer Campbell with him because there was a possibility that the same fate would be experienced by the girl. But the girl had sunk too deep, she had fallen asleep with the delusion of her life as Lacus Clyne. "Who is Athrun Zala? Who is Alex Dino? At that time that thought often haunted me."

"Then?" Cagalli asked. He knows that Athrun still has stories to tell.

"During the war, I tried not to get too much involved with her because there were a lot of things I had to do and think about. You and Archangel, the war that happened, ORB, LOGOS, your marriage to Seiran, duties as FAITH, all of them were not easy. And she took the roles and attitudes too serious as 'fiancee' but I cannot follow that role. Both of me and Lacus is not like that, in fact, we are not engaged. Sometimes I remember you Cags. "

Cagalli clenched one of his hands. She wanted to feel jealous but it was useless. Meer is gone, at that time she was not with Athrun, and considering Athrun was a gentleman he would certainly behave like a gentleman, that was his nature. However, Cagalli also felt guilty because of Athrun always loyal to his feelings towards Cagalli but Cagalli was almost betraying him.

"Until her death, I knew nothing about her. I was too busy with myself before her death, not trying to find out and let her act as she wants when he was with me. I just tried to play safe with my situation. Her life before becoming Lacus Clyne, her real background, her resume, it is gone. There was no girl named Meer Campbell who had lived in this world. The Chairman erased all records of Meer Campbell as if her life for seventeen or eighteen years as Meer Campbell had no meaning... "Athrun closed his eyes and bit his lower lip trying to hold back the tears that came out again from the corner of his eye. "You know what people call her? The False Songstress, The Fake Lacus, people call her in that way. Nobody knows her as Meer Campbell. Is it fair for her? After she struggled to defend the morale of the PLANTs and ZAFT soldiers, but in the end, it turned out not in the same way, people knew her as a copycat and fake ... How funny, huh because before I felt jealous toward Meer who was steady and certain with every step and decision she chose even though it was under an order, a task, or just acting only ... she did it well. She also believed that one day the original Lacus Clyne would come back. But see what happened now... What if back then I ... "

"Are you blaming yourself again?" Cagalli asked and emphasized the word 'again'. He felt guilty because he blames himself for Meer's death.

"I was the first person to be told about this plan by both Chairman and Meer. But why I couldn't think clearly at that time. I should have known that there was something strange with all of this after meeting you and Kira in Crete. I should have opened my eyes when I know that Lacus's life was in danger after she being targeted by ZAFT. But I didn't do it. I still insisted that the Chairman is a right person and what I did next was not caring about your feelings and also Kira, "Athrun looked at Cagalli and gently caressed her cheek. "I destroy what you want to protect desperately," Athrun said with a smile but a smile filled with sadness.

Cagalli then hugs Athrun, letting her body to fall into the Athrun's board chest. She knew because she had spilled her emotions on Athrun and mentioned Meer Campbell's name at him, and resulted Athrun became like this. But at least Cagalli can see Athrun's humane side. The side where Athrun shows that he is just an ordinary human being who can show the other side of anger, guilt, sadness, disappointment, and even crying. "But she died honorably. Ath. She protects the future of this world. Even though only a few people know about her. You don't need to blame yourself Athrun. I'm sure Meer doesn't want you to sink into the guilty and sadness. Her death is not your fault. But I am glad it makes you become aware and open your eyes, in the end, it is the human ego that causes this to happen. Arrogance and the human ego that is conveyed in political games and then make war happened. Our task now is not to repeat the same mistakes again, don't get caught up in the past, don't dwell with it, and don't make another Meer Campbell, "said Cagalli, trying to calm Athrun. Cagalli then kissed Ahrun's temples, "I know both you and Lacus feel devastated by her death but, that does not mean you should continue to sink into it. Thank you for wanting to share your sadness and thoughts with me. Sorry if my way is too harsh to make you open up your heart. "

"Cagalli?"

Cagalli leaned her head against Athrun's chest. "The reason I came here was that there were a number of things about you that blocked my mind. I felt you were far away. I could not reach you like I used to. I don't understand what our relationship really is. Friend? Or more than just friends? As long as we stay together after the first war was over, all the hugs you gave, all the kisses you gave, the attention that you gave as Alex Dino and Athrun Zala, to this ring ... "Cagalli saw a ring of the ruby crown that was circling on her left ring finger. "... I'm confused, what is this all about if I finally have no meaning in your heart?" Cagalli got up from her sleeping position, "Sorry if I sound sensitive or selfish but sometimes I feel like I am nothing. You often tell about your problems to Kira and Lacus even though there are still things you hide it, and I don't mind it at all. But you share about your problem with Meyrin, and for the truth your attention to Meer Campbell and Meyrin somehow I feel that is wrong and strange. But I think it's not your fault, it's my fault. Something is wrong with me ... I ... I ... Why ... is it because I'm a Natural and then you…." Cagalli closed her mouth trying to hold back the sobs that began to come out together with the tears that starting to come out from her amber eyeball. "You ... you cried when she died, Ath. You showed your weak side when you with your friends but, why did you ... never show it when with me ... but, back then at the first war you ..." Cagalli could not continue her sentence because tears had already wetting her cheeks.

Athrun immediately hugged Cagalli trying to calm the girl. Her body trembled violently holding back her sobs. "Can we not ... be like ... Kira and Lacus?" the question came from Cagalli's mouth between her sobs. "Sometimes I'm jealous with Kira and Lacus who can show about the status of their relationship openly, showing that they love each other and love and care that radiates when they look at each other. I want to protect their happiness but at the same time I feel jealous," said Cagalli.

"But Cagalli it is because of the ORB -"

"I don't care about ORB if it ends up hurting you!" Cagalli cut off Athrun's sentence quickly. "I feel like I want to run away from the fact that I am a leader. That I inherited the legacy of the Athha family. I know that ORB is my main priority but why Ath ... why can't we become lovers in general ... a man and woman who fall in love ... "

Athrun then shortened the distance between his face and Cagalli and once again gently kissed Cagalli's red lips. The kiss that happened was very short but behind the kiss, there was sincerity and warmth. Athrun then put his forehead to Cagalli's forehead and gently stroked one of Cagalli's cheeks. The girl is calming down now. "I know that I was too reckless to tie you up, which I proved through a ring that is now circling on your finger. But Cags, don't let go of the reason that made me fall in love with you."

"Eh?"

"Yeah, maybe I didn't say it clearly so far, but I love you Cagalli Yula Athha. I love you sincerely as a man. This feeling I believe is not just a feeling that suddenly arises as a result of the war, not from sympathy or empathy. As I often tell you, your passion and your non-surrender eyes are what make me fall in love with you. Your dedication to ORB makes my life's purpose clear, I want to protect my home. That's what I believe now. "

"Home?"

"Your home is my home Cagalli. You are the reason why I tried desperately to escape from ZAFT. You also became," He stopped a while, " ... the reason I returned to ZAFT because at that time it was something I believed I could do for you and ORB." Athrun kissed Cagalli's cheek, trying to remove the marks of tears on her cheeks. "I don't want to make you become the reason why I'm crying, because I want you to be the reason for me to always fight and smile. That's why I tried my best to not cry when I returned after the war ended. But forgive me who might be cold to you some time ago. You deserve to yell at me."

Cagalli kept silent. After almost five years getting to know each other, it is the first time Athrun said say the word love for heer. Athrun then smiled to see Cagalli who was still frozen. "Cagalli, you are the only girl who is able to give a strange perspective about life and take out a hamster who often goes round and round on his spinning wheel which somehow seems comfortable to stay inside my brain," Athrun continued, pinching Cagalli's cheek.

"Athrun !?" Cagalli was surprised by the pinch Athrun gave. Her face immediately turned red.

"Then your answer to my love confession?" Athrun asked.

"Yes, Athrun Zala. I love you and thank you to love me as who I am," Cagalli answered and hugged Athrun tightly. "I'm sorry I've been acting like that ..."

Athrun smiled because it seemed like he really needed that kind of attitude that was shown by Cagalli now, doing something at her own will. "It's okay, but as you said I also sometimes feel jealous with Kira and Lacus. But I don't care because this is our life, you are Cagalli Yula Athha and I am Athrun Zala. So, how about it, _Hime_? You want our relationship being announced to the public right away? " he asked in fad tone.

Cagalli punched Athrun's arm softly, "No, but I am pretty sure that without announcing, maybe there are some people who know about it already but it is the best to not to. I want to enjoy our time together, just two of us without others interfere us," Cagalli explained.

Athrun smiled, he knew what Cagalli meant. _There's no need to rush because what we expecting, hoping, and dreaming is the same thing. Future…_ Athrun thought. Without thinking, Athrun immediately pulled Cagalli's body back to the bed. Hugging the girl tightly while kissing the top of her head, "Sleep ...," Athrun asked. Cagalli smiled and she also closed her eyes slowly as Athrun did.

* * *

Now, this is where Athrun and Cagalli stood. At a public cemetery in Lunar City Copernicus, in front of a simple tombstone with Meer Campbell name carved on it. After the incident where Cagalli quietly came to Athrun's apartment, two weeks later Athrun invited Cagalli to Copernicus to visit Meer's tomb. Meer Campbell's Tomb. Cagalli put a bouquet of gladiolus flowers, flowers that have a strong character, loyalty, honor, and memories. "We could not bury her in PLANTs so she has to be buried here, even without a proper funeral. Only a small ceremony was held at the Archangel as a sign of honor because she died protecting Lacus," said Athrun who stood next to Cagalli and looked at the gravestone expressionless. "Until the last, nobody knows ...," he added.

Cagalli then took one of Athrun's arms. Lunar City Copernicus must have become a city with many memories for Athrun. Starting from his happy memories when he was young and his school years with Kira to his sad memories of the death and burial of Meer Campbell. "That's enough, Ath. Don't blame yourself again. Now you come here because you are able to walk from your past, aren't you? Is that what you said before we left? In the end, you daring to visit her tomb, by trying to not showing sad face or teary eyes. But you dedicated to coming with a sincere smile which that means it's fine, you are fine now. "

Athrun smiled, started when Cagalli became more mature than himself even for some reason her attention was different than before. It seems that little by little this little lion of ORB was learning to be a good Lady. But maybe except for her emotional overflow, it was still the same. Athrun then embraced Cagalli's shoulder, "Yeah, you're right. This regret will never disappear completely but as you say, don't repeat the same mistakes and don't dwell with your past for too long. I'm fine Meer, thank you for everything that you showed to me so far. I hope the same thing, if only I could meet you in a better way, know you in a better way, maybe we could be good friends, "said Athrun smiling while looking straight at the tombstone.

Cagalli saw Athrun's face. Trying to read Athrun's expression, worried that he was just pretending but it didn't look like he was faking it. Feeling observed by the little lion, Athrun glanced slightly towards Cagalli, "Is there something wrong?" he asked.

"Umm ... Nah, its okay," Cagalli said as she shook her head, "Thank Haumea that you're fine," she added.

"Shall we go home then?" Athrun asked, who immediately received a nod of approval from Cagalli. The two lovebirds turned around with their hands holding each other and clamoring. Before leaving the tomb, Cagalli glanced towards Meer's tombstone and smiled. Cagalli smiled, _'Thank you, Meer, you had helped many people. If not because of your sacrifice, maybe Athrun and Lacus won't be here now. Although it was really sad and painful because you have to pay it with your own life, risking your one and only the life that you have, but please, believe me, we will continue to remember you. I really don't know what you are really like, but please let me to day thank you to you and I hope you can rest in peace there.'_

* * *

**_END_**


End file.
